Three Things…

“Concentrate on three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can touch. Focus on each of those things for a count of 10.”

Three things I could see: A succulent plant, a picture of my three children, and a candle. 

Three things I could hear: The heat coming up the vents, kids laughing, the rain.

Three things I could touch: My cell phone, the chair I was sitting in, and the sneakers on my feet. 

I had just received the news NY was staying on pause until at least May 15th. For some reason my world began to spin. Everything felt so out of control. My heart was racing and I could feel my throat tightening. In that moment, the last month of being on lock down felt like too much. And the thought of going another month was completely overwhelming. Thankfully a friend had texted me to check in, asking me what I thought I about the news. Her timing was impeccable. All I could say is “I think I’m having a panic attack.” And she knew me enough to know I wasn’t kidding. She then gave this advice: 

“Concentrate on three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can touch. Focus on each of those things for a count of 10.”

To which I did. And then I did it again. Slowly my heart felt a little less rushed and I could catch my breath again. Slowly I begin to see the gift in each of the things I could see, hear, and touch. 

The succulent plant reminded me that even during a pandemic, there is new growth, even when it takes a while to see. The picture of my three children reminded me of what a gift this extra time is with them, even on the hard days. And the candle reminded me…. there’s always light, some days we just need to be re-lit after burning out. 

The heat coming up from the vents reminded me that I am blessed to be in a home that is warm and has many other amenities. My kids laughter reminded me that even in all of this there is something to be happy about. We will find a reason to laugh. And we need to keep our kids laughing too. The sound of the rain reminded me of Gods promise to never flood the earth again. 

In my hand was my cell phone which allows me to stay in contact with loved ones even when I can’t see them, the chair I was sitting in gave me comfort when I couldn’t stand and the sneakers on my feet reminded me I had just had enough energy to workout before all this news came in.

Do I like sharing I was on the verge of a panic attack with my readers? Not particularly. But the reality is… I know I am not alone. I know we have all, at one time or another, looked down a path in life and felt completely unsure, and daunted by the unknown ahead. May 15th doesn’t scare me. May 15th didn’t send me into a whirlwind of emotions… the what happens AFTER May 15th, is what put me over the edge. What does life look like a month from now… will the kids go back to school? Will this “pause” just keep getting extended more and more where we are left with no school, no summer, no social interactions? And then what happens when we can do all of the things above? What will that look like? Will people be afraid to hug, shake hands, stand at a concert together or huddle up on the side lines of a soccer games? Will kids be nervous to return to school after being home so long? Will teachers be completely overwhelmed by the level of instruction that they will have to do to try and make up for lost time? 

The truth is…. none of us know. And the even bigger truth is, the unknown in many ways is scary. 

I walked into my office, where I had set an extra desk up for my oldest son to work at and I saw a post-it-note that said “Be Calm” in his hand writing. It stopped me in my tracks. I looked at his face as he stared at a computer for God only knows how long, trying to complete all the homework on his to-do list. My heart ached for him. Not just because I knew I wasn’t able to help him like a normal teacher would, but because here is an 11 year old trying to remind himself to stay calm… on a sticky note. Here’s the thing, friends…. that’s not something that my 11 year old normally has to tell himself. In fact I would be willing to bet that’s not something most 11 year olds have to actively remind themselves…Be Calm. But this is their new normal. This is the way life looks now to them…. everything is turned upside down, and adults all around them are saying “complete this, then do this, this is due Friday, oh an by the way, no seeing friends or extended family” And I get it…. I am one of those adults. I am trying to keep them on task, and help them get things completed in a timely fashion. But maybe, just maybe, instead we need to take our own pause. Maybe our homes are in need of a pause to find our own calm, so that our kids don’t need to remind themselves on a sticky note. 

I don’t know what our future holds, but what I do know is we need to be mindful of how we move forward. We need to find a balance of keeping our old routines while introducing a completely new one. We need to stay in contact (while respecting social distancing)  with friends and family in order to feel human again. But most importantly we need to remember we are not forgotten. Just as God promised us to never flood the earth again, he also promised to never leave or forsake us. God hasn’t left us, he hasn’t asked us to fend for ourselves during all of this, but instead he has sat down beside us and helped us breath again when things felt too heavy. And in that promise, my hope will rest.