Be The Friend Who Shows Up

Earlier this week one of my sons best friends was a contestant in a spelling bee. A spelling bee that my son did not get to advance to because he had been disqualified in the first contest for spelling his word incorrectly.

Was he discouraged? Naturally, yes. But without prompting, without coaching, he asked if we could go watch his best friend in the next round. So we went.

And friends, it was amazing for about a million different reasons. I know you’re probably thinking, really? A spelling bee? Amazing? And your kid wasn’t even in it? And the answer is yes. Here’s why: not only did my son and I show up, but so did 3 other friends and another parent (amongst multiple family members). All to support this sweet boy who was about to spell some pretty tough words on a huge stage full of kids that were for the most part older than him.

My son and his 3 friends all sat in the audience and cheered on their best buddy with true excitement and encouragement. They were clapping and smiling when he got the word right and sat there nervously when he paused to think about how to spell his word. They weren’t there to see him fail. They were there to see him succeed. They were there to support him and to be there for him, no matter what the outcome might be. They were there to be a best friend.

And guess what? He won. He won the whole darn thing. He spelled his little butt off and smiled ear to ear as he came off stage and gave his friends the biggest hugs, while holding his first place certificate in his hands. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a small tear in my eye seeing this boy so proud of himself, surrounded by friends who could enjoy his achievement.

But all I could think of was….

Girl, when was the last time you showed up? When were you that friend for one of your friends? When did you put aside some of your own discouragement, and your own stress and step up to be that friend?

Now I am going to ask you the same thing.

When’s the last time you showed up?

Ladies!!! Yes, I am yelling as I write this because I feel like it was a wake up call for me. It was almost as if these 9 year old boys shook my shoulers and said “remember this… THIS is what friendship looks like”

Ladies!!!!

Where are you???

When did you last step up and be that friend who shows up for one of your best friends? When was the last time you got a text from a friend struggling and you went to her? No questions asked.

No scratch that… when’s the last time you didn’t get that text or phone call and you KNEW that meant your friend was struggling and needed you more now than ever before?!

Ladies… where are we??

What are we doing that is so important that we forgot the NEED to show up? That we forgot the NEED to encourage others and cheer them on!! I know some of you are going to instantly say “oh no, my friend wouldn’t want me just showing up at her house”… immediately deaming yourself off the hook, but I am here to say, show up anyway. Take her out  dinner. Meet her for drinks. And if you’re not going to show up physically then you need to show up in every other way. Phone calls. Texts. Cards. Something.

Make.it.happen.

On the flip side, stop being the friend who only shows up when someone is failing. Some of us have gotten really good at showing up when life falls apart and that’s a step in the right direction but Ladies, be the friend who shows up when they are succeeding too!! Show up and shout from the sidelines to keep going and that they are amazing and that they’ve got this!! Be that kid in the audience who sees their best friend fighting for their goals and defeating the odds and clap for them so loudly your dang hands hurt.

Because friends, both are equally important.

That’s what friends are for.

They are there no matter what. They are there to cheer you on and they are there to pick you up when life throws you down.

It’s not one or the other. It’s not picking and choosing what times are convenient. Its a package deal. It’s about choosing to be there even when it’s not about you. It’s about choosing to be there even when it’s hard, and inconvenient and everything in between.

John Maxwell (an amazing author who I strongly encourage you to check out) recently was on a podcast (Rise!) and said, “I had a friend who was a crab catcher, and he once told me he doesn’t even have to put the lid on the basket after he catches the crabs. If one crab starts to crawl out, another crab will grab it and pull it back down into the basket. Don’t be that crab that pulls all the other ones back down into the basket with them.”

Ladies… if you hear anything at all from all that I’ve ever written, I want you to hear this:

You were made for so much more than being the crab that pulls everyone down with you.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made, in Gods image, and are certainly worth so much more than the crab pulling you back down into their doomed basket.

Get out of this mind set that it’s not your responsibility to help others succeed. You’re lying to yourself. It is absolutely your responsibility and for one reason alone: You chose this friendship, and so did she. And without one, the other doesn’t work.

It may work temporarily, but if you can’t help others succeed, or if you can’t count on others to cheer you on while you succeed, you’ve both failed. Not just each other, but you’ve failed yourselves.

Never forget you are worth showing up for too. Surround yourself with friends who are willing to show up for you, when you need them most, no questions asked.

We all, myself included, could stand to learn a thing or two from these 9 year old boys at the spelling Bee. They showed up because that’s what felt right in their hearts. They weren’t coerced, they weren’t obligated. They didn’t care that they themselves were disqualified. They didn’t care that it was a school night and they could have stayed home and rested or played Xbox.  They just simply wanted to be there, because that’s what friends do.

They show up.