My nine year old joined me during my workout and as we dropped down to do burpees, his not so little feet hopped in front of my view and there they were… his scars I had almost forgotten all about. As he jumped up and down my eyes welled with tears. Burpees tend to have that effect on me anyways, but this time it was those 6 scars that starred me in the face that made my heart stand still. How far he had come. He refused to give up, and here he was doing burpees.
Five years ago today, he had surgery on both of his legs. I remember the day like it was yesterday. My reflection in the mirror that day was not a pretty sight. I was pale and much too skinny for being 22 weeks pregnant with my third child. I carried such worry and sorrow for what might be that I could hardly eat for days.
I remember standing at the sink in the hospital restroom wiping away tears, willing myself to stop crying so that I could go join my son who was just outside the door in a hospital bed. It could have been the hormones from carrying my daughter inside of me, but the tears just wouldn’t stop.
I finally collected myself and slapped on the biggest, fakest smile I could muster and joined my baby boy and husband, pretending to be eager to watch another Disney movie with him. He sat in his hospital bed with a gown much too large covering his entire body, and all he could do was smile at me and zoom his matchbox cars up and down the side of bed. He was so innocent. He had no idea how much his life was about to change….
In the months prior we had spent countless hours meeting and talking with specialist. We not only saw 1 neurologist, but we begged for a second opinion… which made us wait that much longer. We sought the guidance of again not just 1 but 2 different orthopedics in hopes for different answers. But all the doctors came to the same conclusion, surgery was his only option.
Some of you know already, but for those of you who don’t, my oldest son was born with extremely short Achilles’ tendons in both of his legs. Now to some that may not sound like that big of a deal, but for my son they were so short he was unable to walk flat footed. His legs and muscles had (as it was explained to us) essentially hardened around his Achilles’ tendons and all throughout his legs and would only get worse with time.
He was 4 years old, but he was unable to run like other 4 year olds. He would often trip and fall, and had a lot of pain in his legs and feet and even beginning to effect his back. Imagine walking around on just your tippy toes, forever. I can only imagine how exhausted his little legs and feet must have felt at the end of each day. When the specialist saw him he told us he was one of the worst he had seen.
We had always thought he was “just a tippy toe walker” and that he would out grow it, but all 4 doctors assured us that without surgery, he would likely have so many issues with his feet and legs he would probably begin having issues walking at all, even on his tippy toes.
The doctors (and this is often the part I never shared, I think partly do to fear at the time, that if I spoke of it, it would come true)..but the drs also worried he may have Cerebral Palsy or Muscular Dystrophy due to the stiffing of his legs. I remember hearing those words and it felt as though the floor had fallen out from Beneath me. It took almost 2 years to fully rule those things out, turns out there isn’t always a specific test for some of these issues and time is your only real test. Its amazing what you learn when you are faced with the possibility of your child having something life changing.
To all the mommas and dads out there, with children with CP or MD, you are in my prayers. The struggles and heartache you and your child must face absolutely breaks my heart.
After being at the hospital for nearly 5 hours waiting on the surgeon, they finally did his surgery, and over all, it went well. They did however have to cut his Achilles’ tendon in 3 sections once they got in there (it was originally supposed to be 2) because it had to be lengthened much more than they had even anticipated. Due to this, they had feared he may have what’s called drop foot. It’s basically where you lengthen too much and he can’t raise his feet enough and will almost drag or heavily drop his feet when walking. It would also mean no running, his feet wouldn’t likely be able to go into a running motion. Hearing this obviously was heartbreaking but we were just so thankful the surgery was done and our baby boy was safely in our arms. However I’d be lying if I said the unknown of the years to follow didn’t scare the freaking crap out of me.
For 3 years after that surgery he was in physical therapy. He went from casts, to leg braces, to special wedges in his shoes, to running in cleats kicking a soccer ball with no pain.
That first year he learned to walk again, at age 4. When his buddies were running around their yards effortlessly and free he carried heavy leg braces on his legs and used a little 4-wheeler to keep up. But he didn’t give up. He laughed and smiled, while his daddy and I secretly cried. By the second year he walked without any assistance but still had to fight through pain that no one else knew he carried. By the third year he graduated from physical therapy and he ran free on soccer fields, because he never gave up. He refused to give up. When specialist told him swimming, basketball and soccer might not be in his future he stretched daily and requested more PT and he prayed. Oh how we all prayed. He told us he could do it, and we let him because we chose to believe him, and not the doctors. He didn’t give up, so we couldn’t either.
As of today, he has proven every specialist he saw wrong. They told us by now he would likely need another surgery. They told us to not expect him to be able to run well. They told us if he walks funny not to be alarmed. But today, he runs better and faster than I ever could. In fact he loves to run. He runs on that soccer field, knowing he’s free, knowing he worked hard to be there. He kicks the ball with all his might and has legs stronger than mine ever were at 9 years old. Because he didn’t give up. He looks at his scares as reminders of what he has fought for. And for that, he will always be my hero.
Keep on running baby boy. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
I will say that kids amaze me! I will also say that I understand some of your pain. My two year old grand doll had to have surgery last fall because she has Blount’s disease. It is a condition that caused the inside of her tibia to grow slower than the outside, which meant that she was very bowlegged. I remember getting the diagnosis and thinking that my world was crushed. Surgery followed and I about passed out as she was going into surgery as her life was changing and she left so easily with the nurse. I was so scared of what she would see when she entered that surgery room and how scared she would be and I was not there to help her. It still makes me cry today!!