Friends, there has been a lot of change around here! If you follow me on Instagram and Facebook then you know two of my babies are now in school full time! And there were definitely some tears shed (mostly by me). I walked back in my house after both boys got on the bus last week, and it was so quiet. A quiet I had thought I wanted, and will probably learn to appreciate. But it was the kind of quiet that almost hurt my ears if that makes sense? You know the one where you can only hear your own heart beating?
I stood in my family room and looked around while wiping tears away and found my little girl staring back at me. She wasn’t making a sound. Just studying me. I don’t cry often around my kids so I think she was partly concerned yet partly intrigued on what caused her Momma to be such a mess. Seeing her little scrunched up face looking back at me, made me realize, there really wasn’t much to be sad about.
Yes, it’s weird to have two out of three children at school all day, but they love it. They are going with smiles and returning with stories and giggles. I think for some reason (probably because I am not a huge fan of change), I often associate change with sadness. And so in that moment all that change at once felt sad, but when I took a step back to really look at the whole picture I realized it was really just a start to a new chapter. It’s wasn’t necessarily an end of another chapter.
As my daughters birthday comes upon us, and she is now three years old today, I thought about how each stage of childhood was just that… a new chapter that was slowly making up one of the best books I could ever possibly read.
Like for instance, six months ago my daughter and I’s pre-nap cuddle session would carry on forever. She couldn’t get enough snuggle time with me but now that cuddle time is slowly being replaced with a conversation that she initiated. There’s part of my heart that will always be sadden by this, but there is a bigger part that kind of loves it. My little girl carries on whole conversations with me and tells me wild imaginative stories followed by “I love you’s” and “you’re my favorite” and friends, that’s pretty amazing to hear. New chapter, same book.
With this thought in mind. I couldn’t help but to think about how all the phases in childhood somehow replace other stages, yet are just as equally important and exciting. The newborn stage of sleeping on your chest for hours on end quickly turns into the infant stage of all the firsts: first smiles, first giggles, first foods, and first words. Before you know it they are taking their first steps and the infant stage is gone and you suddenly find yourself with a toddler. With toddlerhood comes first real conversations and imaginative play you never could have predicted. And it got me thinking, no matter what age our kids are, you will love them just as much as the last age, if not more. It also made me realize they will love us (their parents) more and more in all these stages. They will need us in some way they never did before and they will find a way to connect with us in a way we never knew was possible. Each stage teaches us something new about not just our children, but also about ourselves.
There is such beauty in this.
True beauty.
I also find myself often reflecting on the past with my kids (missing those past moments I once had with them), but what I have had to start teaching myself is that there is excitement and joy in each stage. Like just last night my boys helped me decorate their sisters door (we have a birthday tradition of decorating the kids bedroom doors the night before their birthdays so that it’s all exciting when they wake up in the morning). And this year, for the first time, I had help! Both my boys were cutting and taping streamers and so ecstatic to be helping me, and I have to say, it was so fun and nice to have their help! They took something special and made it even more special, because they were a part of it.
Seeing them holding those streamers made me remember each one of their birthdays and all those night of me standing outside their shut door all alone decorating, and how each of those nights there was probably a huge part of me that was so sad to see another year flash before my eyes. But last night I was able to laugh and cherish those little guys helping me in that hallway and really appreciate who they have become. With no sadness about the year that had just gone by.
It reminded me that no matter how things change throughout the years, there will always be something in each stage that is even more amazing than the last. Now I haven’t reached the tween and teen years and maybe I’ll feel differently then… But I hope that when those days come I am able to find something just as incredible as newborn snuggles, the toddler conversations and the late night birthday decorating sessions during those coming years.
Leave a Reply