I have always been a strong believer in teaching my kids how to lose. I think it’s a part of life that they need to understand and need to feel at some time in their life. It teaches them grace and humility, and how not to be a sore loser in the future. The reality is, our kids are not going to win at everything they do. Sure, some of them will succeed more than others and some will slide through a huge portion of their childhood without really losing, because a) no one allowed them to lose and b) they stuck to what they were good at, often out of fear of losing. But no matter who you are, or how untouchable they may have been in the past, they will experience loss in one way or another. Don’t get me wrong, I am not wishing this on anyone, I am just trying to point out that it’s inevitable because it’s part of life. An important part of life. And in my opinion a valuable part of life.
For me as a mom, I have tried to help my children understands what it means to lose, and how to act when they have lost. I haven’t always let them win the board games we play and I don’t always let them beat me at basketball, because I want to see how they will act when they have lost and I want them to know how awesome it feels to really win. Without ever losing, they will never fulling appreciate what it means to win.
But what happens when your child always seems to be at end of a loss? What happens when they have never really been able to feel the victory of a win (outside of the times you let them win battleship or 1 on 1 soccer). That is something I have really struggled with as a mom of three, especially last year. One of my children has had a lot of set backs, physically, socially, academically, and I have to say it’s tough…truthfully, it’s heart breaking. No parent ever wants to see their child give it their all and still struggle to keep up. It’s a position no one wishes for their child, yet that’s where I had found myself almost a year ago exactly. My son was struggling a lot with his legs again. He wasn’t liking school and was finding it hard to keep up in certain subjects. He was being picked on by other students, and he just couldn’t seem to catch a break. I remember him looking me in the eyes and telling me he was a loser and it nearly killed me. Those words echoed through my head at least a thousand more times. All I could do was hug him tight and tell him he wasn’t even close to being a loser. I reminded him of how brave and strong he was and how much his daddy and I loved him. But there was a part of me that was scared he didn’t believe me. Those few months I swear took years off of my life. I didn’t sleep, I could hardly eat and all I could do was pray for my son. I remember sitting and watching him read one day and just wishing he could see how far he had come in only a few years. Over time I slowly saw a change in his attitude, no actually, it was more like a change in his heart. He was beginning to understand that his struggles only made him stronger.
Fast forward to a year later and he now loves school, has a small group of great friends and he plays multiple sports. When I stop to think about how far he has come, my heart nearly explodes with joy and excitement to see how his circumstances have changed so much in a year.
Are we out of the woods completely? Not even close. There are still days when he struggles during soccer or Lacrosse, and there are other times he feels like he took a step backwards in school, but the difference between this year and last year is he is learning those bad days don’t define who he is as a person. When I think of how far he has come and how hard he has worked to get there, I can’t help but to feel so thankful to be where we are today. You see, he knows what struggle is, he know what losing feels like, he knows pain I wish he never had to experience. But he also knows what true victory feels like and it’s something I don’t think he will ever take for granted (does that mean he’s never a sore loser? Ha! Definitely not, he is still a kid after all.) But he also knows what true winning looks like (and I am not talking about the numbers on a score board, I am talking about cherishing how far you have come in life and how hard you worked to get there) and I am forever grateful my son knows the difference, even though he had to go through a lot of pain to get there.
So this ones for any parent out there finding themselves immersed in the feelings I had not so long ago. I want to encourage you to keep faith in your situation, and not to give up hope. I don’t know how it will play out for you or your child. I can’t predict the outcome of your situation. But I can tell you, that there will be glimpses of light throughout your journey that will give you strength to get through this hard time. Some people call them silver linings, but I call them God’s promises. The unknown is one of the hardest concepts to accept, and we often wish we had more control, but I pray you never forget, God is in control, and one day you will see how all these losses are only preparing you for the biggest win.
Leave a Reply