Imagine seeing your child, standing next to an adult that is clearly upset, and she is waving her finger at them and using a voice that is approaching yelling. You can see that she is at her wits end, and is blowing off steam towards your child that isn’t necessarily warranted. Your child looks upset. They look as though they may even cry.
How would you feel?
Would you want to rescue them? Would you want to run to them and save them from this awful woman? Would your heart race? Would you tell her to stop and leave your child alone?
Now picture that woman is You. Does it change how you feel? Does it make how your child is feeling all of a sudden different? Do they now deserve to be treated that way?
I am that woman, more often than I would like to admit.
In fact I was her today.
My youngest son stood there looking up at me as I scolded him and huffed and puffed around like a mad woman, so frustrated that I was cleaning up this mess again. He had spilled the fish food. Again. And I am not talking the little fish food flakes, I am talking the little fish food pellets that seem to only multiply as they are scattering all over the entire floor. I was angry. It was the last thing I wanted to clean up in that moment and I was annoyed by his clumsiness. I was that woman my son stared back at with tears. And it broke my heart. I knew I was being too hard on him. But he knew better.
As I cleaned up the food I was still so frustrated. Still spewing out the occasional “this is so ridiculous!”. As I festered in my anger I could almost hear the Lord whisper.. “Show him Grace”… And I wanted to shout back… “But he knows better!! He knows he isn’t supposed to feed the fish without help” But as quickly as those words wanted to fall out of my mouth… Instead the words “Grace isn’t earned” took their place. I stopped in my tracks. How many times have I begged for Grace? How many times have I received grace when I certainly didn’t deserve it? Daily….truthfully, probably hourly.
I knew in that moment I had a decision to make. I could go to my son and ask him to forgive me for over-reacting and show him the same Grace the Lord has offered me time and time again, or I could remain angry, and stubborn because “he should have known better”.
I chose to offer him grace.
I went to him, hugged him and told him that Mommy makes mistakes too, and that today Mommy’s biggest mistake was yelling at him for something that was clearly an accident. I then asked him to forgive me. His sweet little eyes looked up at mine and then he buried his head into my shoulder and hugged me so tight I could feel his heart beating. I think he was unsure whether to be happy or to cry out of relief. I held him tight, knowing exactly how that moment of receiving unexpected grace felt.
I know that God gave us emotions for a reason, and sometimes that means anger and frustration surface, but I do believe we also have the choice on what to do with that emotion. Do we let it over come us and completely take over the situation, or do we control them and realize we have a choice on how to move forward.
Friends, if there is only one piece of advice you ever leave here with, please let it be this, Parent with grace. Don’t let your emotions run so high that you no longer have control over how you are handling that moment. Give them grace even when they know better. Give them grace even when they may not deserve it. There are so many teachable opportunities throughout their childhood. And there will be a time and place for where you will have to stand firm and discipline the way you see fit. But I promise you this, your most valuable teachable moment is when your child learns to offer grace to someone else, even when it’s not deserved. Because grace is not earned.
I love this. Absolutely beautiful. Sometimes I even lose my patience with my 7 month old! How silly does that sound? Thank you for the reminder to parent with grace. Truly God is our Father, the perfect parent and example.
Grace changed (and continues to change) everything!
Thanks for the reminder! Some days are just so frustrating and it’s important to remember that it’s usually frustrating for my kids just as much as for me 🙂
We all make mistakes, and we all need grace at times. Even with my six month old, I’ve lost patience and then I feel like the biggest jerk in the world realizing I have lost patience with this little person who has no idea why mommy is getting frustrated. Granted she doesn’t even react but I still feel bad!
Wow Emily your baby is 6 months old already?? How is that possible? I feel like you just had her! Time really does fly!
Beautiful Post. I love this.
Thank you so much!!!
Great post. Thank you for sharing. I feel the older I get the less I get frustrated with my kids and people in general, but it’s always great to remember to have grace with everything you do.
Thank you Kim, I really appreciate it! I need to stop getting so frustrated so easily. Definitely a down fall of mine for sure. Maybe in time. I think its because i am just so tired all the time!
This is great. God is our literal father, so we as parents should try to emulate him.
Definitely Tayler, Its an on going effort. I pray I never lose sight of that.
We have all had those moments, sometimes we rise to the occasion and fix our mistakes. Sometimes we do not. This is so important to keep in mind, and in doing so I have found my initial reaction of a over stressed mom has lessened. I am aware of my actions and words. I always want to build them up and give them love. Of course they still need to be raised and dciplined, but not from my frustrations. Our kids deserve it!
Our kids definitely deserve it, and so do we! I always feel so much better when I admit my mistakes and move on in a positive way.
Great post. You’re right. Grace isn’t something a person earns. I’m not a parent yet but I want to make sure I also apologize to my child when I get excessively angry. I think this was a great post.
Amazingly written! Throughout the post I could imagine myself shouting at my kid, whenever I lose it. I will remember this for the next time, not to be so harsh with her.
Yes, sometimes you have to take a step back and regroup so we don’t let our emotions get the best of us. Great post.
This is such a great reminder. It’s amazing how much we can learn from being a parent.
I have to force that phrase, “grace isn’t earned,” into my mind regularly. And each time that I forget it, I have to remind myself to give a little grace to me, as well. It’s so hard sometimes to get past our anger and frustration, but it is so much more fulfilling to offer grace to others than to hold on to negativity. Thanks for the lovely reminder!