Soon after having my first son I realized that one of the perks of being a stay at home mom consisted of some really amazing play dates, where friendships would grow and memories would be made. I loved these play dates. Some times they were the highlight of my week. It was not only time for the kids to play and burn some energy, but a few hours where us moms could get together and just talk, vent, cry, laugh. We really grew as moms together. We became each others support systems in a world of little people, who half the time could not talk back. But as time went on, I found myself more stressed about these play-dates than enjoying them. Especially when I had to host. It wasn’t the company, it wasnt the kids… It was my house. Every single time someone was coming to my house I would feel this immediate pressure to make sure things looked perfect. I would have all the toys perfectly cleaned up, and every room in tip-top shape, and a fridge abundantly full of all the possible lunch choices and snack options that I could think of.. Just in case one of our guests had a specific request. I would run myself so ragged that by the time the guests got there I was so drained and stressed out I could hardly enjoy myself, only for them to leave it just as messy as it was before I cleaned it up in the first place. I envied those moms that would say they didn’t let this bother them. Yet, I couldn’t seem to move past it because all the homes I went to for these play dates.. were spotless.
It got to a point where I was then avoiding the very thing I loved doing. I loved those play dates, especially when they wernt at my house. I have always struggled with this. I am naturally an organizer. I love to organize. Yet after having kids I quickly learned that my organizing was gonna look a whole lot differently. I learned to be organized within a mess. I have three kids. My house is well lived in. If you were to just stop by my house would be a mess. Not dirty. But a mess. I try to keep up with it, but friends let’s be honest, some days it just feels impossible. I could have everything immaculate one minute and the next minute someone has dumped an entire bin of toys and spread them all over the family room. Or the kitchen floors could be spotless, but after one meal there is undoubtedly food under someones chair and most likely a sippy cup dripping somewhere. Now this is probably pretty typical of most peoples homes that have children living in them. I know this. Yet I cant help but to still want my house to look close to perfect before someone comes over. It gets the point where I avoid having people over at all because it easier than having to run around like a lunatic trying to get everything just right. Luckily for me, and for the sake of those playdates, I had a friend who knew me well enough and talked to me about it. I remember her saying..Lets make a deal, I won’t clean my house, if you dont clean yours. And we will always just have mac n’ cheese for lunch. Nothing special. And just like that, the pressure was gone. And guess what, she held up her end of the deal. I remember going to her house for the first time after we made our pact, and her house was lived in. Just like mine. It wasnt dirty, but it was lived in, and it made me feel loved. It made me know we had a friendship that could see past the dishes, and could see beyond the toys. We didnt need to be perfect for each other. We could just be us.
I also found that I felt more relaxed as a guest. I didnt have to worry about my kids making a mess of the toys, because they were already out being played with! I read once that creating a welcoming environment was so important and I had to ask myself, do I welcome people in my home freely? Do I present my home in a way that is welcoming to everyone that comes over? And the answer is probably not. The cleaner and more perfect I made my house, the less comfortable my guests felt. People were always apologizing for their kids making a mess, or for them spilling something, and they felt pressured to keep things as clean as it was when they first came, when all I really wanted them to do was come relax and enjoy! Once they got here, I didnt care about the mess anymore, now yes its true, I don’t want you walking around my house with your shoes on, but other than that.. pretty much anything goes. So I’ll make a deal with all my mommy friends out there…. I will welcome you to my organized mess if you welcome me to yours 😉
XO Nicole
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