Friday was the Flag day celebration at my sons school. When we pulled up to the school the whole parking lot and bus loop were lined in small flags.. It looked pretty amazing. My kids giggled with excitement, seeing all those flags blowing in the wind. It really set the tone for our very first flag day at school. We walked into the crowded cafeteria and got ready for “the show”. Each grade took turns singing a song they had long rehearsed. I have had the honor of listening to my kindergartner practice his song for the last few weeks at home.
Finally the moment had come and it was time for the Kindergartners to sing. Each one lined up in front, with their adorable hand-made hats on, and they all sang their song with such enthusiasm. Truly heart melting. One by one, each grade sang their songs, and they all did a great job. The teachers did a wonderful job putting all of this together, and as a parent I felt proud to be part of such a great little school.
At the end of the Assembly the principle got up and said “Now its time for Good Citizenship Awards. As a parent, this is the award, out of all awards you hope for your child to get”…and just like that everything is silent in the room. The names of each child who received an award are called off by grade. The kids who’s names are called proudly make their way up to the front to receive their certificate and flag, and they stand there for all to see. They are ridiculously cute really, each one of them smiling so big. But I couldn’t help but to look around and notice the kids who didn’t receive an award. Some looked un-phased, others looked disappointed, but many looked sad. And just like that I was back in 4th grade, wondering what I had not done good enough yet again, to not get the good citizenship award. I remember working really hard that year, desperately wanting that award at the end of the year. I am not sure why it meant so much to me, but it just did.
As I glanced at some of the parents in the room, I am pretty sure they were feeling the same way. Wondering what these other children did that their child had not. Each parent holds their breath, even the ones who know their kids will not be receiving the award (because word on the street is, IF your child is getting an award, you get a phone call first to make sure you attend the assembly) yet.. I am pretty confident each parent there had that 1% of them that wonders… “Well could I have just missed the call?” But sure enough… the names are called, and for most, their kid doesn’t make the list.
Well guess what? Mine didn’t either. And you know what I told my son when he came home disappointed? I told him I am proud of him. I told him that the good citizenship award is a pretty amazing award to receive, and he has many more years of school to try and receive that award, but that award doesn’t make or not make him a good citizen. The way he lives his life does. Is that award a huge honor? Did those kids work hard to get that? Definitely. But just because you come home without an award doesn’t mean you didn’t work just as hard. I am sure each teacher struggles with selecting only one student each year, and I definitely don’t envy their position.
That being said, am I a mom that thinks everyone deserves an award or trophy? Or thinks no one should win a soccer or basketball game? No. I think this is an important part of life. I think it shows kids that hard work pays off, and it gives them something to strive for. But I also think it teaches them not to measure their self-worth on someone else’s scale.
We cannot let a piece of paper, a trophy, a raise at work, or anything else given by someone “above us” dictate how we feel about ourselves, or decide how we are going to live our lives. I told my son, how I never received a good citizenship award, even the years I tried my hardest, but one of my very good friends did one year and I remember being so proud of her. I think my smile beamed just as big for her as I sat in my seat and watched her, as her smile did up front, as the principle handed her that award. Because that’s what life is about. Life is about cheering others on, and finding joy in not just your own victories, but in theirs as well. If my kids never receive awards, but can celebrate others success as much as their own, and they can live a life filled with honesty, and integrity, and at the end of the day they know that the man upstairs is the one they ultimately have to answer to, then I would say cheers to not getting a good citizenship award.
X♥O Nicole
Oh, I just love this message not only for our kids, but for us as parents too. Thanks for sharing the great story and how you handled it!