When I first became a mom, I naturally always thought…” My kids are never gonna be tattle-tales” I would watch that older kid come running up to their mom to “tattle”  on so and so for pushing them down and I would think “oh brother.. toughen up, go take care of it yourself!” Now don’t get me wrong I knew kids needed their parents help at times.. but this seemed pretty insignificant considering the person he was tattling on was half his size and about 2 years younger.

Then my oldest son entered Kindergarten and that all changed. He would come home and I could tell something was wrong but he was hesitant to tell me what was going on. He made the remark “Its okay I’ll take care of it”… and then Mama bear came out… “Ohhh Noo. Who is it and what have they done to my baby?!” After some prying, and a lot of questions I found out my son and a few other had been being bullied on the bus by two older boys. A lot. Not just being teased but being physically hurt as well. I couldn’t believe my ears. It made me even sadder to hear that this wasn’t the first time it was happening either. When I asked my son why he didn’t tell me sooner, he said “I didn’t want to be a tattle-tale”

I am pretty sure my heart actually broke a little. I felt so bad that he was so confused on when it was okay to tell and when it really wasn’t necessary. I could see why the lines were so blurred. I was mainly to blame.. when he would tell on his little brother for picking his nose I would tell him “Dont tattle on him, instead go get him a tissue and show him how to use it” or if the kid on the play ground knocked him over because he wasn’t paying attention to where he was running I would tell him “Dont be a tattle-tale, it was only an accident.” We had talked about what was important to tell and what he could keep to himself in the past, but I quickly learned it wasn’t clear enough, and that he didn’t want the other kids to be mad at him for telling.

Now here he was dealing with a situation where he SHOULD be telling someone, and he wasn’t. So I decided to A) Stop using the words tattle-tale with my kids, why is it a phrase we parents resort to so often anyways? I think about when I was younger, and times I should have been telling someone about things that were happening but didn’t because I thought I could handle it and I didn’t want to be viewed as a snitch. I think far too often parents (including myself) are too concerned about what others are thinking instead of being focused on understanding what their child is thinking. Children tell you things for a reason. They need you. Yes, I know we all are walking that fine line of wanting our kids to advocate for themselves, but also wanting them to come to you when they need to, knowing you will step in and take care of it. I also know some struggle is good, it will make them tougher in the long run, but at the same time I believe it is my job as his Mommy to determine “whats going to make him stronger” and “whats going effect his self confidence for years to come.” Besides wouldn’t you rather your child come to you, even if it is viewed as “tattling” instead of being out their, alone, unsure how to take care of a situation? I know I do. So I decided to come up with some questions for him to ask himself if he is unsure if he should tell or if he should try to resolve the issue on his own.

Here are some sure ways to teach your child they need to tell you or an adult.

1) Is someone getting hurt, or hurting you on purpose? TELL

2) How are you feeling Sad? Scared? Nervous? TELL

3) Are you still thinking about it later on that day? TELL

4) Is someone saying something they shouldn’t be? TELL

5) Is someone touching you in places they shouldn’t (which we covered in detail)? TELL

6) and if you are just plain unsure… ALWAYS just tell!!

After establishing these questions he has been able to easily distinguish between “Mom/dad/teacher/adult needs to know” and “I am just looking to tell on someone” He knows if someone is intentionally hitting him, he needs to tell. He knows if someone is just touching his paper and he doesn’t like it, that he should ask them to stop.

So if you see my child telling on your child.. Sorry, but I am okay with you thinking my child is a tattle-tale, after all I want him always knowing this Mama bear is in his corner.

XO Nicole ♥