I will never forget standing there watching my son run up and down the field during his last “Mommy and Me” soccer practice. He ran so high up on his toes that he could hardly balance and he was always the last kid in the pack. But he ran with his sweet little smile beaming away, so excited to be playing. I stood there so proud of him for sticking with it, even though I knew it wasn’t easy for him. That moment was abruptly interrupted by another mom, leaning over and loudly announcing “I’ve noticed your son runs on his toes!! You really should get that fixed, before you know it people will be calling him twinkle toes!” At least 3 other moms looked at me and nodded in agreement. I sat there in awe of these grown women. Completely blown away that they all thought this was an acceptable comment, and that not one of them stepped in to put this lady in her place. By the grace of God I was able to smile kindly and tell her “not to worry about my son. He would be just fine. ” I walked away shaking with anger, with tears stinging my eyes. I could hardly hold my composure, but knew my son was watching my every move. I was not going to let this woman ruin this moment for him, even though I could see in his eyes that he had heard her.. Little did she know I was watching my son run for the last time before he would have surgery on both of those tiny little legs, and after he would then have to completely relearn to walk on his own, and there was no telling when I would see him run again. (I will share the details of that at another time).
I still think about this moment. I think about how that one woman changed my mood in an instant, and for a split second had me feeling bad about my own child. I think about how her words that were thrown around so carelessly made my son look down at his own feet through innocent eyes, with curiosity and alarm because he didn’t know any different. I cant help but to wonder if she knew how rude and judgmental she was being, or if it came from a place of complete ignorance. I have tried to forget that comment, but for some reason it has stuck with me through the years and I think I know why (besides the obvious of her insulting my baby) it’s because it came from another women, more specifically from another mom. She made me feel like I had failed somehow as a mom, like I didn’t see my own sons struggle. She made me feel like I had waited too long, and should have done something sooner without knowing a single thing about me. It made me reflect on myself a lot. How many times in the past have I said things to someone without much thought about how deep those words may cut, or said things with good intentions only for it to come out completely wrong. The answer is probably more than I would like to admit. I know we all say and do things we later regret. We all say things that come out completely differently then it sounded in our heads. And other times we just simply spew out hateful words because that’s what comes tumbling out in an angry moment . If only we all would remember to take that breath before we spoke, to think through how those very words that are at the tip of our tongues may forever be embedded in someones elses head, or worse, in someones heart. If only we took that moment to perhaps say nothing at all, but instead offer a simple smile to show that mom that we see their struggle, and we get it.We all have our own trials, and could really use that moment when two moms eyes meet and you know she understands. That she sees your pain, and you know that she is there silently waiting for you to be ready to talk about.
So one mom to another, I encourage you to use your mommy title to empower other moms instead of highlighting their weaknesses. That mom you see at preschool drop-off that you are secretly jealous of.. Stop giving her the side eye as she walks by you in her high-heeled boots and perfectly groomed hair. Instead, smile at her, maybe even compliment those cute boots, because odds are she probably would love to come in yoga pants and a pony tail like you do, but has to go work in order to put food on the table. And that mom who you are threatened by because she seems successful at everything she does, congratulate her, because chances are she started off with nothing and worked her butt off to get to there, with no support of a husband, like you have been blessed with. Stop staring at that mom with the screaming toddler at the park, and instead tell her we have all been there, while pointing out your own child’s tear-stained cheeks. And if you see that mom who has a child that isn’t able to do what your child can, count your blessings, instead of their imperfections.
James 1:19 ‘Know this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” XO Nicole Find me on facebook to get the latest posts at: https://www.facebook.com/mommytalk73
